Conflict and Connection

A conversation with therapist Courtney Plank Rault

I recently sat down with a dear friend, therapist Courtney Plank Rault, to talk about the stuff I love to work on and to play with - connection and conflict.

Good conflict, what I (and others) call generative conflict, is one of the most important ways we build and deepen connection. I define conflict as the moment where difference is acknowledged and negotiated. Many of us, consciously or unconsciously assume that conflict (difference) will create distance or even damage but it doesn’t have to. It can actually bring us closer together, build trust and resilience and give us the capacity to grow and take risks. Avoiding conflict or engaging in destructive conflict prevents us from fully engaging with life.

Conflict isn’t inherently the scary thing most of us imagine it to be, but it is an inherent part of being in relationship. It is also a potential gold mine for the really good stuff that comes from being in relationships. We just have to learn to do it differently.

You can listen to the 30-minute podcast episode here, where I introduce a few of the concepts that I find hugely helpful in shifting the way people engage in conflict.